a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Randomize
