He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
