so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
