Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
