I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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