if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
