Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
She announced her abortion via fbk
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Randomize
