Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
