I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Randomize
