Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
