I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
