Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Randomize
