one two three fourrrrnication!
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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