We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
