Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Couch. On fire.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
