My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
