break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I got her a Nickelback box set.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
