shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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