My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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