Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
