Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
