I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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