We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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