Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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