Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
