I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
