nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
