3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
