You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
