I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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