so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
