420 ftw
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
