I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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