I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
