Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
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