Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
