haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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