Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
