I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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