My first STD was from a foam party
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
