PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
