Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Randomize
