Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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