We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
