Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Randomize
