those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
