I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
