I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
