God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
