theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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