youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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