my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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