one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Randomize