For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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