how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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