the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Randomize
