this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize