Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
