I'm jealous of your bromance
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
