your room smells of hookers.
And success
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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