We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
