..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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