He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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