Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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