You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
