Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
