mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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