Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize