this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
