Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
