I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Randomize
