I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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